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Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts

3.8.16

YE OLDE COFFEEE SHOPPE


YE OLDE COFFEEE SHOPPE

Janine was so sunk in despair that she walked into the cafė without realising it hadn’t been there yesterday.
A coffee appeared and a hand gripped hers. “Tell me about it, dear.”
Mesmerised by the pulsating glow from a wall lamp, Janine spilled the whole sorry tale of love and betrayal.
“You want revenge,” the stranger said, “Give him this.”

The bottle hummed in Janine’s grasp as she walked home, but she mixed its contents into his curry without hesitation. She only came out of her trance when he lay writhing, but by then it was too late.


They never did find the shoppe.

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This photo, taken by Ted Strutz, is this week's prompt for Friday Fictioneers,, hosted by   https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/  . My offering is a little spooky - follow the Blue Frog trail from Rochelle's blog to read what other writers came up with.
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1.4.15

A to Z Challenge APRIL 1st

APRIL 1st 2015

TODAY marks the start of this year's
 A-Z Challenge - a marathon of writing.

This is my third year of blogging every day except Sundays throughout the month, using the letters of the alphabet as a guide.

To read some of the other 1710 blogs, go to  
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

MY CONTRIBUTION TO THIS BLOG-FEST is going to he a mixture - a celebration of Tenerife, the island that has been our ADOPTED HOME for fifteen years, and which we are planning to leave once we have sold our APARTMENT.
ALSO I shall post the occasional piece of Flash Fiction., of which this is the first - a story in 200 words.

AIR FREIGHT

Alec was a great one for practical jokes - his sense of humour had never developed beyond the schoolboy stage – and when he secured an air-freight job in Singapore the entire world became his playground.
No-one but Alec was amused when he hid dead fish in his colleagues’ cars, put whoopee cushions on conference chairs and sprinkled itching-powder on squash racquets. He poured food colouring into a friend’s jaccuzi, causing panic until they realised it wasn’t blood, but after someone’s wife arrived from England to find her husband’s apartment full of oriental girls, Alec’s victims planned revenge.
On his stag night, following local custom, he booked rooms for his friends in the Singapore Hilton and they hit the town in search of food, girls and booze, not necessarily in that order. Alec eventually passed out.
The following day he opened his eyes to the usual Hilton décor, surprised to find no prostitutes in his bed. He showered, checking his body carefully for new tattoos or paint on his genitals. Nothing. Relieved, he ordered a full English breakfast and told the waiter to open the curtains.
Outside the window was the unmistakeable skyline of New York.
                                                        ----------------------------------


ALMOST an AERIAL view of Tenerife -
this is one of the beautiful sights to be found in the Mercedes Mountains beyond Santa Cruz.
 While in Santa Cruz itself there is also ART and culture. 

This is the AUDITORIO in Santa Cruz - the exterior is reminiscent of Sydney Opera House and the interior is stunning.


We were fortunate enough to be invited by the President Ricardo Melchior to hear a concert there on the occasion of Queen Elizabeth ll’s Diamond Jubilee.
It was a splendid tribute to the Queen of another country, with the added bonus of a tour behind the scenes of this building that Sr Melchior was delighted to have seen completed before he retired..




AND in case you fancy buying your own place in the sun, this is our apartment. You can find more photos on the Apartment for Sale page at the top!

Please leave a comment to reassure me I am not talking to myself!




4.5.13

APRIL - AN A-Z SUMMARY


I wasn’t going to enter the A-Z Challenge this year and did so at the last minute. My experience was like the Curate’s Egg – quite good in parts - there were definitely times when I wished I hadn’t succumbed! I am in the middle of a major rewrite of a novel, and having to put that aside every day to compose a blog slowed the work down considerably, but I try to finish what I’ve started, so I made it through to the end.

Last year I was relatively new to blogging and the thought of hundreds of other blogs to peruse drew me in. I found many interesting ones, some of which I still follow, and collected some more followers of my own.
The same happened this year - the number of comments on my own blog doubled and there were some kind remarks about my excerpts from my book. Real comments I welcomed, but not those that just said “Hi – come on over to my blog" - not very subtle!

Speaking of comments, here are a few of my own.

Firstly I must say I don’t know how the organisers manage to stay sane. Approaching 2000 entrants to read and sift and weed through – they must have spent all day every day at their screens. I only managed to visit between six and ten blogs per day.

I was particularly interested in blogs by my fellow forum members, Liz Brownlee’s drawings and poems are always a delight, and there were a couple of serials I followed. I also did my own lucky dip by scrolling down the list and clicking indiscriminately. I found some great blogs that way, including some lovely artistic and photographic ones, and tried to comment every time although sometimes it was difficult to see how. I hope the list stays open long enough to dip into at greater leisure.

But many blogs were still far too long – if I have to scroll down the page for ages I stop reading. Others were in very small and/or faint fonts – I gave up quickly on those as well, which was a shame because they might have been interesting. Am I the only person on-line with poor eyesight?

So in conclusion, as we used to write in school essays – well done to Arlee Bird and the other bosses, and to my fellow bloggers, and of course to me for getting there!

10.4.13

INSPIRATION, IDEAS & ICE-CREAMS


  INSPIRATION – A few years ago I wrote a short story about two people in their sixties. My characters meet at a fairground, and are mature enough to see past the differences in their backgrounds to fall in love.
Then I began to wonder about the man’s former life, as you do, and started writing Helter-Skelter. The trouble is, I went back to his boyhood, and taking him all the way to sixty would have made the book too long, so after this novel there’s a sequel!

IDEAS It’s odd what triggers a story. The first novel I wrote was inspired by the strange and wonderful rock formations on Tenerife, and the variety of rock colours.



A small book I wrote for my grandsons grew out of a drawing I did of their garden. Yet there are others that pop out of the ether seemingly at random, leaving me to wonder, “Where did that idea come from?”



ITALIAN ICE-CREAMS - I borrowed two children today so their parents could have a quiet couple of hours and I could be Nanny Liz for a while. We walked along the beach and had Italian ices. Mine was yogurt and mango, the six-year-old chose vanilla, and the three-year-old had – yes, you’ve guessed it - chocolate. They wanted to sit on the sea wall and the sun melted the ices quicker than they could eat. Quite a lot of the chocolate ended up on the wall.
When we went to throw a fist-full of wet wipes in the bin an elderly woman smiled indulgently; “The little one enjoyed her chocolate, didn’t she?” We had made her day!


31.3.13

A-Z CHALLENGE 2013

I’ve given in – I’m going to do it, starting tomorrow.
For those who don’t know, this is a challenge that hundreds of bloggers put themselves through each year – to blog every day bar Sundays throughout April using the letters of the alphabet as a guide. When I added my name to the list I was number 1559, so people who start at the top won't reach me!
My posts will be short, though not necessarily sweet, and my theme will be my current obsession -  the re-write of my novel Helter-Skelter – so you will have to bear with me.
And I love comments if they come with your name!

27.2.13

THAT BLOG done - now back to my own,

In case anyone is interested in my account of the whole process of rewritng a novel, you can read my guest blog on
Read Short Stories and Write Short Stories at Shortbread | Home of the Short Story

Meanwhile back on my own poor neglected blog, the bananas are growing and its raining! This is a two fold blessing - it will fatten up the bananas, give every plant and tree in the area a good wash and a soaking, and put me in the right mood to pack for England.
So we are delighted to see it. The cat is not!
She  normally perches at the bottom end of the swimming pool retaining wall from where she can see the path along which we will return home from an hour of debauchery in the local bar, then she will lead us up the path, doing somersaults to trip us up.
When it rains she sulks in her nest on the outside sofa and looks at us as if its all our fault.

It was raining when I took this photo last October - the last time I saw my grandsons - so I am well prepared.
I shall be away for two weeks, leaving the OH to fend for himself - don't forget me while I'm gone!

7.2.13

I TOLD YOU I WAS ILL!

That's reassuring - despite me being off-line for a week I have still had a few visitors to my blog. Welcome to you all, and thank you!
I've been a bit off-colour and the old brain cells aren't functioning properly. My sight's blurred and my fingers forget how to type, so there have been some very strange words on the page that even I have been unable to interpret,
But enough of that - discussions of ill-health are boring. Cue cute photo of bored baby.

I am trying to decide what to do next. First there is this blog to maintain - my own - and the one month A-Z challenge is coming up - should I join this year or not? Last year I was keen and had half of it planned out in advance. This year I think I've got too much else on my plate.

I have had two short stories issued on the online magazine http://runningoutofink.com and am in the process of submitting another, I've entered a few short story competitions and even written a poem or two, but my main job had been, and still is, the re-write of A Volcanic Race, the first novel I ever wrote. Even that has a sting in the tail, as I  allowed myself to be persuaded to blog about the process on http://shortbreadstories.com  And with my various ailments - those boring ones, remember? - I haven't got on as fast as I would like.

And now I have heard from an agent who likes my novel Helter-Skelter enough to have given me detailed feedback and will look at it again if I address the issues she raised. It#s great to be told I am "An exceptional writer" but devastating to get yet another refusal. Yet I am so near with HS that I shall have to do what the agent asks and "Have another bash at it" - once I've got A Volcanic Race out of the way.

D'you reckon the Doc might have some pills to make me an instant genius?

One small sad tale to end with - my grandsons' cat died last week. RIP Marley.




13.1.13

PEPPER SURPRISE


A bit of a shock
WOW! I was searching Google for information on California pepper trees, because I have been trying to propagate some seeds and nothing has worked so far. I went into images and clicked on the photo in the top right corner - and got my own blog from May last year! How about that!

The reason I'm trying to grow the seeds is to make a bonsai, but it seems my best option is either to find a baby growing wild or take a cutting, so if you see me out on the rough ground looking furtive you will know what I'm up to.

I also wanted to identify this plant that is looking at its magnificent best right now on a roundabout at Parque la Reina.
The Christmas decorations have gone and this appears - great, isn't it?
I have looked up 'succulents' but can't find out what it is, so if anyone can tell me I would be grateful.
It bears some resemblance to a house-leek, but it's around fifteen feet tall, and the flower spike gets so heavy that it bends over and will eventually touch the ground.

As far as I know it's not a variety of Tajinaste. These flowers, for which Tenerife is famous, only grow at certain altitudes, and they have tall spikes of pink flowers that don't bend.

People go on hikes just to look at them - I wish my hips were up to the challenge.







12.7.12

BLOG LIST SURGERY

 Just to cheer you up - this is one of the many flame trees I see on my morning walks. It's amazing how putting one foot in front of the other clears the mind, and today, as well as untangling a bit of plot, I made the decision to indulge in a spot of surgery.
  When the A-Z Challenge came along I was fairly new to blogging, and I was enthusiastic enough to sign up for it. Great fun it was too, most of the time, though there were moments when I thought otherwise!
One of its attractions - and let's be brutally honest here - was the promise of more followers. I started out with 10 and ended up with 40, so they were right about that.
 I also found some blogs I wanted to follow, and have checked on them regularly ever since, but half of them seem to have ground to a halt. 
So today, with surgical precision, I cut the list of blogs I follow in half. Two of those who only post occasionally I have kept because when they write it's always worth reading - the others have gone. I doubt they will even notice my absence.
Now I shall concentrate on proper writing for a while, and maybe, when I've got this damn book sorted out, I shall find the time to look for other blogs to follow.

6.5.12

A-Z AFTERTHOUGHTS


A-Z AFTERTHOUGHTS.
The A-Z Challenge was just that – a challenge – and I was drawn into it for three reasons. Firstly, I hoped it would take my mind off the fact that I was waiting to hear if an agent would take my book. Secondly, I was new to blogging and enthusiastic enough to blog every day. And thirdly I was tempted by the promise of more followers.
It was almost too successful - the challenge took so much of my time that my other writing went by the board. I made an alphabetical list of topics in March, but I was still caught out occasionally with nothing written on that day’s letter. Sticking to my theme of living abroad - specifically in Tenerife - became a challenge in itself, but it was only in the last week that I wondered if I would last the course.
Trawling through the list of entrants was the hardest part. The sheer number was daunting, but although I didn’t find a like-minded blogger living near Toronto (my youngest moved there last year) I did find others I enjoyed. And my own list of followers increased from 10 to 34, which pleased me inordinately. Two have dropped out this week, which I am trying not to take personally.
So, in the best traditions of the English essay, I end with my conclusions. The challenge was addictive, partly a chore but mostly enjoyable, and I have already thought of how to approach it next year.

30.4.12

ZYMOLYSIS & ZZZZ!


ZOUNDS! Having reached the end of the A-Z Challenge relatively unscathed, I thought I would post a blog for the OH, who has made mugs of tea but otherwise kept out of my way (most of the time) while I sit at my laptop.

 ZYMOLYSIS is the process of fermentation.
No, I didn’t know that either until I looked it up. Presumably that means fermentation of any sort, from A to Z (sorry - couldn’t resist that) but for today I will concentrate on alcohol.

ZYMERGY is the science of brewing, specifically of beer  In the UK there are any number of beers, and of course the Real Ale aficionados will all have their own favourites, but the most popular beer in Tenerife is Dorada. Anyone who has holidayed here and likes beer will (or should) have tried the local beverage.


Dorada has been brewed by Compañia Cervecera de Canarias for half a century and almost every Canarian bar serves it – CCC practically has a monopoly. There’s the Pilsner type – normal lager - Especial which is stronger, and Dorada Sin which, despite its name, means alcohol-free (sin = without!)
 It’s a really tasty beer – the one I choose when a real thirst hits me – and much better than any of the imported stuff that costs twice as much. Try it next time you’re in Tenerife.
The OH drinks Dorada all the time, so it must be good, although he wouldn't dream of drinking Sin. After a few too many jarras he snores even worse than usual.
ZZZZ !!

ZUG is the name I have given an old woman in the second book of my Living Rock series. She’s a game old bird who loves nosing into the affairs of her clan, and the name suits her. Isn’t it difficult choosing names for our characters?

Z is the end. The end of this challenge at least. Thank you to those who have stuck with me for the whole month, and to those who have joined me along the way. Most of you are writers too, so you will understand when I say it will be nice to get back to normal. I shall still blog, but not every day -
I have a book to edit, another to re-write, and some ideas to get down on paper before they disappear for ever!.

28.4.12

YO, YUCCA & YACHTS

YO means simply “I” which is what I am going to concentrate on next month! 


YUCCA The first time I saw a yucca in flower I was amazed – the yuccas I’d seen in England were pot plants. Then I saw these strange roots for sale and learned they were yucca too – known in some places as manioc or cassava. You can boil it and serve with a mojo (sauce) – it’s rather bland on its own – and it thickens a stew beautifully. It can be fried in slices or made into chips – in fact you can treat it as you would a potato. Apparently you can also put the flower petals in a salad and eat the fruit.














YAMS are another favourite, though yam is what my OH calls them – batatas is the Canarian word, and in England you know then as sweet potatoes. I love them, though it’s difficult to tell whether I’m buying blanca or naranja unless I scratch one – I prefer the nananja. Its orange flesh tastes divine, particularly when roasted like a parsnip, and like the yucca they go beautifully in a stew or curry.




YACHTS are everywhere here – not surprising on an island – and some of them cost more than a house. There was speculation in a local newspaper last week about who owns a luxury yacht in Los Cristianos harbour – if it’s going begging I’ll take it off their hands!






Many little fishing harbours, like this one in Las Galletas, have gone up-market in recent years with marinas, but alongside the luxury yachts you will still find the local fishing boats, and the beaches will still be scattered with battered rowing boats.





A friend of ours is repairing his yacht after sailing it across from America singlehanded. I typed up his personal log of the 40-day journey, and although he makes light of it, I was scared silly by the laconic way in which he wrote of a tanker just missing him, or of losing half his drinking water, or climbing the mast to effect a repair. At least he wasn’t attacked by pirates.


YOUNG As the OH is fond of saying, with such a name we will always be young. Shame it’s not true, and the body lets us down more often, but age is a state of mind too. So as the YEARS pike up inexorably, nil desperandum!   


27.4.12

XENOPHOBIA & XEROPHYTE

What we have here is the Tenerife flag behind the Spanish one, to illustrate my point that if you dislike foreigners, Tenerife is not the place for you. For one thing, XENOPHOBES would find it hard to accept that they – in fact anyone other than the native Canarians – are the foreigners here, including the mainland Spanish.

Being an island a long way from Europe we attract more than our share of people evading the law, and that tends to colour our attitudes. A lot of drugs come from Columbia, so we are wary of Columbians. Many muggings are perpetrated by Rumanians, so they all get tarred with the same brush. The area around the Home for young unaccompanied illegal immigrants is plagued with robberies, so any black face up there is suspect.  The Russian crime lords and Italian mafia have toe-holds here, so we mistrust those people, and cheered when we heard that a gang of 30 was flown to the mainland for trial recently..

And yet, at the last count, we had friends and neighbours from – in alphabetical order - Africa, Brazil, Columbia, Ecuador, England, Finland, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Morocco, Portugal, Scotland, Spain, Venezuela and Wales. We have been to an Italian christening, a Spanish First Communion, a Scottish wedding, an Irish St Patrick’s Day bash, and our Venezuelan friends have invited us to several barbecues, more than one Christmas dinner, and a wedding.
There was a restaurant in our town that has had many tenants, none of whom lasted long. The owner was a crook who doubled the rent as soon as each hopeful began to show a profit. He also pocketed the tenants’ money for electricity while running an illegal wire from the community supply. He was notorious, and he was also from La Gomera. When his wife divorced him and took over the building, no-one was sorry – El Gomeron had got his comeuppance. He’d be just as crooked if he was local, but he gives all Gomerons a bad name, and they're regarded as backward anyway, just because their island is smaller than Tenerife.

We can all be racist in small ways without realizing. The one African watch seller who is too pushy puts you off them all. The table-cloth hawker whose nimble fingers steal cash out of your purse makes all of them robbers. The  Spanish boys who ripped my friend’s handbag off her shoulder in broad daylight have made her wary of all such groups. A Canarian who hates all tourists and makes it obvious can spoil your impression of the entire population.
I was reading in a local paper that El Fraile, a village a few kilometres from us, has seventy different nationalities. Xenophobes there would expire of apoplexy.
And years ago we visited a Ugandan friend who had just had her second baby. “He’s lovely,” we said. “He’s the wrong colour,” she replied. “What do you expect – white babies?” I asked. “No – he’s too black, like his grandfather.”
 It’s not only white people who are prejudiced.

XEROPHYTE refers to any plant that can reduce its water loss during dry periods and/or has a system of water storage – such as cacti and succulents, of which we have thousands in Tenerife.
The prickly pears that you see growing wild used to be cultivated for the cochineal beetle they support and many of them still belong to someone. The fruit is edible but be warned - you need thick gloves to pick it unless you want to be removing tiny spines for days. I find the taste insipid, but they’re full of vitamins and thirst-quenching in an emergency.
Another xerophyte that’s good for you is aloe vera, which the Cabildo often use to decorate the roadsides. The juice is good for the digestion and soothes sunburn instantly. It can be squeezed straight from a leaf – I’ve seen locals picking them from the town gardens. Of course you can save yourself the bother and buy refined aloe vera products – my daughter sells them in several hotels on the island.
The cacti that look like a set of organ pipes are protected in Tenerife – like trees might be in an English town. When our road was due to be up-graded the Cabildo sent a team of specialists to build a protective wall round one. It was a lovely wall – a real work of art. Pity the new road is several metres above it.
Cacti don’t flower very often but when they do they go all out. A twenty foot cactus dotted with huge flowers is quite a sight, and the last time there was a flower on our cactus the community cleaner called her friends to take photos. ¡Que bonita!

26.4.12

WALKING & WRITING


WALKING
Ten years ago I set off from the top of Adeje town, with my daughter, son-in-law, a friend and a dog, to WALK the Barranco del Infierno = “Hell’s Ravine”. There was a track of sorts, rarely level and very narrow, and there weren’t many places at which we felt safe meeting other WALKERS. Some of the steeper stretches had knee-high steps rough-hewn out of the rock – in other places we were scrambling on hands a knees. Each time we rounded a bulge in the mountainside we could see the track WINDING ahead endlessly, and the sea behind us vanished. Despite the other people on the track, we felt like genuine explorers. There was no shelter from the fierce sun, but WE WERE WEARING hats and sensible shoes and carried WATER. We saw many painfully-pink tourists in flip-flops who hadn’t been that sensible.
Gradually, as we climbed higher and further inland, the reason we had come on this comparatively arduous trek became apparent. A stream trickled over rocks by our feet, ferns and shrubs grew beside the cacti, and trees reminiscent of those in an English WOODLAND shaded us. WITH renewed energy we walked through this WONDERLAND to reach our destination – a small clearing at the foot of a vertical cliff down which a WATERFALL fell into a black pool. This waterfall only flows when there is snow-melt or rain-water from the Adeje mountains, but on an island with no natural springs it was a treat just to sit on the small beach and listen to the splash.
We paddled, of course, and dipped our hands and faces in the icy pool, and then started back. The 90 minute return journey took us from cool woodland to baked goat-track again, and by the time we reached the car I was knackered, but it had been WORTH it.
Six months later I had a hip replacement, and I haven’t done anything like that since, but there are many lovely walks to be had on Tenerife. If you’re fit and WANT to tackle any of them as a change from the beach, look on the relevant WEBSITES -  Try  http://walkingtenerife.blogspot.com.es
The free paper Island Connections reported this week that nine Cabildos (Councils) in the south of Tenerife are planning to open a website in the next few months featuring walks, among other rural tourism options. You will be able to download GPS co-ordinates too – technology goes trecking!

The following advice comes from Maurice, an online Tenerife friend who is miles fitter than I am!
 I suppose you could say, "walks are what you do daily but serious walks are actually Treks.” 
If you look at 
www.webtenerife.co.uk/activities/amongst-nature/footpaths/ you will find a list of good treks & descriptions etc.
Not too many people know that the Teide National Parks Authority do 'guided' walks - mostly in Spanish - and they also have easy walking maps (graded walks) for the National Park. They are written in Spanish, German & English and are available from The Park information centres at El Portillo, the Parador & Boca de Tauce.
 There are quite a few walking groups based in Puerto de la Cruz, Los Gigantes, Los Cristianos, Teno & Anaga. Some are 'private' and some are small businesses (usually self employed guides). Various nationalities are involved but German, Spanish & English prevail.

WATER . Regular followers of my blog will have noticed how often I mention water – or rather, the lack of it. We manage remarkably well for an island with no rivers, and this is due mainly to geology but also to hard work. Rainwater and snow-melt from the mountain filter down through the permeable volcanic rock to 1000 underground galleries and 500 WELLS. The pine trees in the forest contribute by condensing moisture from the clouds – the needles on Canarian pines point the ‘WRONG WAY’ to ensure the water doesn’t evaporate. 50% of the water collected goes on agriculture and the rest must supply the needs of 2 million residents and 10 million annual visitors. So please don’t WASTE IT! (The photo below is one of the water galleries, which can be full of toxic gas, so don't walk into any!)

WRITING It wasn’t until I had lived here for a few years that I considered writing a novel. I have always loved WORDS, so perhaps it was bound to happen sooner or later, and retirement gave me the leisure to try. Also when I told my younger son I was bored, he told me to write a book!
I find Spanish cafeterias strangely restful places to write, because although I can speak Spanish it isn’t my native tongue, and it’s easy to filter out the background noise. When I am finally published I shall have to get my book translated into Spanish for the cafeteria owners who bring me coffee and turn the light on so that I can write.
I belong to a tiny writers’ circle here, but I am too far away to attend many writing events in the UK. I took out a subscription to the Writing Magazine last year, and its online forum Talkback helps to lift the feeling of isolation from the English literary WORLD – I WISH I had started reading it years ago!

24.4.12

U for UK - UNFORTUNATELY


UK. There are many advantages to living in Tenerife. The climate is kinder on arthritic joints, for one thing – we know of one man who arrived here on crutches and within months was teaching badminton again. The cost of living is lower, as long as you go native and don’t do all your shopping in stores that import everything from the UK. We have fleeces but no winter coats, we don’t even possess wellies, and the beer and wine is cheap.
The downside is that we left friends and family behind – it is ironic that the first long word we learned from out flash cards was desgraciademente = UNFORTUNATELY. The space we left in the UK has filled up now, of course. Friends are pleased to see us when we go over, but we don’t have the minutӕ of daily life in common any more, and those friendships are fading.
We left six children there too, and four grandchildren. Since then three more grandchildren have been born and are growing up without us. So when people ask, “Do you regret moving?” obviously expecting the answer to be “No”, we tell them that.
This photo is of my four children, their other halves and my two grandsons. The OH's family is more scattered but still UK based.

UNSOLD. The old bull-ring I featured yesterday was full of unsold cars for a couple of years. In hindsight it was definite proof of the coming crisis. They were parked in sad rows, their varied colours rapidly fading UNDER a layer of orange dust. Then one day there was a procession of gruas (tow-trucks) and they all disappeared. Did someone buy the lot or was the rent, even of an UNUSED bull-ring, too much for the company that owned them?
There is also a veritable rash of unsold apartments everywhere we go. “¡Oportunidad!” the posters scream from the balconies. We know it means another family has lost the battle to pay their mortgage.
UNEMPLOYMENT in Spain is around 26% - in Tenerife it’s worse, and el paro (dole) doesn’t cover the mortgage for long. No wonder the camp-sites and caves are filling up. One of our Columbian neighbours comes round regularly to fill some water bottles – his has been cut off – and the poor man is so embarrassed. He asked me last week if I could give him a euro to visit his child – he hadn’t even got one euro for the bus. Out by the basura at night, it’s not just tramps you see dumpster-diving for food, or clothes, or anything that might raise a euro or two at the Sunday flea-market.

UNDERTAKER. Not a cheerful subject, but moving abroad sharpened our minds. So we paid for our funerals in advance – you can do it in instalments if you like – and it was at 2001 prices. The kids were shocked when we told them – “Oh Mum, you’re not ill are you?” – but now we can all relax in the knowledge that arrangements have been made. The cheapest funeral these days costs about £2500 – could your family afford that?

U is a bit of an orphan letter – USUALLY the least USED vowel – which I bear in mind when I do a codeword puzzle to relax before sleep. It starts so many negative words, as in UNATTRACTIVE or UNWRITTEN, but where would Q be without it?

UGH! Cucurachas – I hate them. In England, if something scuttles across the floor just on the edge of your sight, it’s likely to be a spider. Here it’s a cockroach. We put stuff down that they are supposed to take back to the nest to kill themselves, their babies and the eggs, but still they come. We double-wrap our rubbish, but if we put the kitchen light on in the middle of the night, there’s always one of the UGLY buggers. They are UNINVITED guests at any evening meal on the terrace, and we never leave a drink UNCOVERED outside – a mouthful of cockroach is decidedly UNPLEASANT.
They say cockroaches can survive a nuclear blast. Maybe so, but they don’t last long after a direct hit with a flip-flop.

UP is the only positive word I can think of today that begins with U. Bottoms up. Chin up. Fill ‘er up. Gee up. Hurry up. Looking up. Mix up. Pop up. Stir up. Wake up. The only way is up.
Even the word ‘up’ looks odd when you use it too many times, doesn’t it? Cheer up!