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4.2.16

SALT - a story in 100 words

SALT

Ellie was fifteen, and cursed with braces, the year her parents bought the lake-side cottage.
When summer covered the acre of lilies with flowers, Ellie loved to lie on the wooden jetty, stroking their creamy velvet with gentle fingers, but her brother mocked, “You’ll have a long wait – not even a frog would kiss you.”

Ellie didn’t reply but, as her tears dripped salt between the lily-pads, a handsome boy surfaced to press his cool lips to her warm ones. “No tears are allowed where I live,” he smiled, and Ellie slid silently into the lake to join him.
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I don't normally write fairy stories, but I couldn't get frogs out of my mind!
Thanks to Erin Leary for the photograph that appeared on Rochelle's blog  https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/ to prompt my story - and those of scores of other writers in Friday Fictioneers. Go to Rochelle's blog to find them.
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24 comments:

  1. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields04/02/2016, 19:51

    Dear Liz,

    I hope that she became a mermaid and not a statistic. Since you say it's a fairy story then I'm assuming the former. Clever and well imagined.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. liz young04/02/2016, 21:26

      This is one of those stories to which you write your own ending.

      Delete
  2. Helen Baggott 05/02/2016, 09:40

    I enjoyed it. It had a depth beyond the 100 words.

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  3. Anonymous05/02/2016, 11:17

    Loved it. Just up my street... or should I say just down in my lake.

    Helen Laycock

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. liz young05/02/2016, 14:42

      Thanks to the other Helen - reading your book as I am, I know your penchant to fairy stories!

      Delete
  4. Unknown05/02/2016, 12:31

    Wow. Definitely deeper than the 100 words.

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  5. lindybee05/02/2016, 14:46

    I loved your story. It had a lovely balance of emotions.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sandra Crook05/02/2016, 16:26

    Well it sounds a lot nicer where he lives but I don't expect she'll be coming back. Nice one.

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  7. Susan A Eames05/02/2016, 17:11

    Lovely story - I could see Ellie stroking those lilies. Loved the ending!

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    Replies
    1. liz young05/02/2016, 17:17

      Thanks Susan - her brother has a lot to answer for, doesn't he!

      Delete
  8. brudberg05/02/2016, 20:32

    I think she really became a lily princess... Very sweet.

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    Replies
    1. liz young06/02/2016, 12:28

      Lily princess - I like that, thank you, Bjorn.

      Delete
  9. Gah Learner05/02/2016, 23:26

    This is lovely, and could be the beginning of a great adventure story.

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    Replies
    1. liz young06/02/2016, 12:29

      I think it's already been written - the Water Babies?

      Delete
  10. i b arora06/02/2016, 06:39

    that's quite an ending.

    ReplyDelete
  11. margirene08/02/2016, 08:26

    Great build-up and a nice twist at the end. That'll teach the nasty brother. (I wrote about frogs and siblings, too.)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dawn09/02/2016, 04:54

    I love the sweet magic of this story, Liz. While you don't usually write fairy tales, clearly you can! Nice job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. liz young09/02/2016, 16:41

      Thanks Dawn - I hope she's happy in her under-lily world.

      Delete

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