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21.5.15

I HEAR THUNDER - a 100 word story

After a fortnight away in England visiting family we have decided to drop the price of our apartment. I have therefore spent the last few days re-advertising it. If you like the idea of owning an apartment in Tenerife, the details are on the APARTMENT page of this blog.

Now I can concentrate on writing again, here is my contribution to FRIDAY FICTIONEERS prompted by a photograph on Rochelle's blog   https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/



I  HEAR  THUNDER

After months of hiding in cellars, trembling at each explosion and venturing out only when driven by hunger, Shira crept away through the ruins.

Carrying her daughter among broken timbers and glass shards, she dodged from shadow to shadow until they were in the fields.

Even in the ditches they dropped flat every time a bomb fell, but when they reached the hills the sounds of war were mercifully distant.

Sheltered beneath a tree, they slept until woken by a crash directly overhead. The child screamed, but Shira said soothingly, “Hush - it is only thunder. See, here comes the rain.”
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20 comments:

  1. Anonymous22/05/2015, 05:01

    I like the tension and the relief at the end. Well done.
    Tracey

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    1. liz young22/05/2015, 10:07

      Thanks Tracey - there are too many people living under that kind of tension these days.

      Delete
  2. Sandra Crook22/05/2015, 06:57

    Sounds like a pretty desperate time for both of them. Good luck with selling your place - it's frustrating when you want to move onto the next stage of your life.

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    1. liz young22/05/2015, 10:08

      Thanks Sandra - at least they got away. We hope to do the same soon :)

      Delete
  3. Sheila Good22/05/2015, 16:58

    A wonderful story. A mother's love knows no bounds. Well done.

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    1. liz young22/05/2015, 17:07

      Thanks Sheila. I was bound to tell a mother's story after a fortnight of family!

      Delete
  4. brudberg23/05/2015, 14:45

    Oh such difference between the thunder and guns.. But I can guess it's hard to begin with..

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    1. liz young23/05/2015, 15:41

      Any returning soldier will tell you they sound the same to a nervous ear.

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  5. Anonymous23/05/2015, 18:18

    Such a child will probably grow up to flinch at such sounds for the rest of her life, rather like a child who has suffered abuse and violence will forever flinch at the sound of angry voices. I like the way the mother in your story points out the rain as a thing of comfort. It creates an image of purification, a washing away of all the bad. Beautifully written.

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    1. liz young24/05/2015, 11:28

      Thank you Sarah for reading into my story so much more than I wrote!

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  6. Perry Block24/05/2015, 00:42

    Nicely done. Soothing rain at the end.

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    1. liz young24/05/2015, 11:29

      Thanks Perry - we could use some soothing rain here in Tenerife.

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  7. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields24/05/2015, 10:30

    Dear Liz,

    The tension is tangible as is the relief at the end with the coming rain. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. liz young24/05/2015, 11:30

      Thanks Rochelle - and it's good to be back.

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  8. Subroto24/05/2015, 12:32

    And rain instead of bombs from the sky. Sounds like natural order is restored.

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  9. Gah Learner26/05/2015, 17:15

    I'm glad they have a reprieve from the violence. The tension and relief in your story are tangible.

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    1. liz young27/05/2015, 09:31

      Thanks Ga H - I hope they got away permanently.

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  10. margirene27/05/2015, 12:24

    You've built a vivid picture of the world your characters are living in, and its terrors. Their closeness at the end is lovely - I'm sure they'll make it.

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