THE SEX LIFE OF CACTI

We have a lot of cacti in Tenerife of all shapes and sizes and varying degrees of ferocity. I see this thirty-foot-tall one on my morning walk - this week it was in exuberant flower.

There is even a Cactus Park where you can learn how some cacti protect themselves with vicious spikes while others use toxins to deter predators – very wise in a climate where they are often the only succulent vegetable food around.
 

This one is called Silla de Suegra – Mother-in-law’s Chair, which proves that those so-called jokes are universal.

We can buy cactus fruit too, though

I don’t like the bland taste or the multiple seeds, and there’s cactus jam and even cactus liquor.

The fruits pictured above mainly come from the huge palmate cacti that were once cultivated for, believe it or not, the insects that still infest them – cochineal.
At one time this was a thriving industry here, and I understand that many of what appear to be wild cacti may still belong to a particular family. Now most of our red food colouring is artificially produced – not many people like the idea of putting crushed insects into their food – but the fruit is still harvested with leather gloves, shaved with a disposable razor and eaten or sold.

But I have rarely seen any sign of fruit or even seed pods on other cacti. They produce beautiful flowers, but why? Presumably to attract insects, but how do they reproduce?

Perhaps the answer is the same as to the question, “How do hedgehogs make love?”

                                           Carefully.