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12.4.18

UNTIL THAT NIGHT - a story in a hundred words


UNTIL THAT NIGHT

It was our dream house thirty years ago. Children raced round its rooms, their laughter bouncing off the walls, and the house itself smiled. Perfect.
Until that night we left a window open.
Now we creep around in silence, brittle as glass, afraid of breaking our fragile union. Happiness has vanished – in fact we barely speak at all – and the house sags around us for lack of love. The window stays open – there’s nothing worth stealing now.
He wants us to leave – ‘move on’ he calls it – but what if she returns and I’m not here?
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Friday Fictioneers is a group of roughly 70 writers who produce a 100 word story each week from a photo prompt. This week's photo is by Yarnspinnerr and posted on Rochelle's blog https://rochellewisoff.com/ - thanks Rochelle.
I am celebrating - quietly - having reached the end of the latest draft of Wolf Pack,   the second book in my Living Rock series. To read the first book click on the link at the top of this page.


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38 comments:

  1. Helen Baggott12/04/2018, 10:47

    Oh! Such sadness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. liz young12/04/2018, 14:27

      YOU CAN TELL i'M IN A DOWN MOOD, CAN'T YOU!

      Delete
  2. Susan A Eames12/04/2018, 10:50

    Oh, Liz - what a powerful story. That last line made me gasp. Brilliantly done!

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous12/04/2018, 11:49

    Gorgeous writing, Lizzy

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  4. Dale12/04/2018, 12:06

    Oh my... that is powerfully sad and I agree, beautiful writing indeed.

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    Replies
    1. liz young12/04/2018, 14:28

      Would you be able to leave? I don't think I Would.

      Delete
  5. Subroto12/04/2018, 14:10

    Sad story, reminded me of the Madeleine McCann incident.

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    Replies
    1. liz young12/04/2018, 14:29

      Youre right, Subroto - that's a family who will never stop wondering.

      Delete
  6. Iain Kelly12/04/2018, 14:17

    A nightmare for any family. Very well written Liz.

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  7. Patsy12/04/2018, 14:36

    Ooooh - that's really good!

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    Replies
    1. liz young12/04/2018, 14:44

      Thanks Patsy - writing in a hurry sometimes works!

      Delete
  8. Sandra Crook12/04/2018, 15:19

    That's a terrible thought, isn't it? Moving on and then the thing or person you loved comes back. Very painful. Well done.

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  9. draliman12/04/2018, 15:23

    So sad. I like the way you gave the house moods to match their own.

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    Replies
    1. liz young12/04/2018, 17:32

      Thank you - places do absorb moods, I feel.

      Delete
  10. Susan Kane12/04/2018, 19:30

    Thirty years ago to an incredible sadness--you wrote such a moving story.

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  11. Alicia L. Jamtaas12/04/2018, 19:42

    Boy, you took the prompt and ran with it.... Beautifully done. Gave me a wee chill.

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    Replies
    1. liz young13/04/2018, 11:08

      It gave me a chill writing it. Thanks Alicia.

      Delete
  12. lisarey1990@gmail.com13/04/2018, 01:11

    So sad and powerful. The structure of the story is done wonderfully too. Like a poem.

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  13. Penny Gadd13/04/2018, 16:00

    What excellent writing! I was particularly impressed by "Happiness has vanished – in fact we barely speak at all – and the house sags around us for lack of love. The window stays open – there’s nothing worth stealing now." That equation between the house and their lives is so powerful. It reverberates in the mind and heart.
    No, I couldn't bring myself to leave either.

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    Replies
    1. liz young14/04/2018, 10:41

      Penny - you take so much trouble with your comments - thank you!

      Delete
  14. Gah Learner13/04/2018, 22:18

    Powerful writing, Liz. So sad. The comparison of house and mood is perfect.

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  15. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields14/04/2018, 14:29

    Dear Liz,

    Terribly sad story. Well written.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
  16. Linda15/04/2018, 01:04

    An exquisitely written piece of human tragedy.

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  17. Yellow Tiger15/04/2018, 12:29

    She can't leave can she. Wonderful engaging story.

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    Replies
    1. liz young15/04/2018, 12:56

      Of course she can't. Thanks for commenting.

      Delete
  18. Jaya15/04/2018, 12:52

    Powerful piece!

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  19. liz young15/04/2018, 15:28

    Thanks - I think!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Michael Wynn16/04/2018, 11:04

    Intensely sad, well told

    ReplyDelete

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