A PATTERN OF SIX
Six years I had been imprisoned – I
was only a child when they forced me into marriage.
It took me six days to find
the key – by then I was starving and he was stinking.
The open door terrified me. I counted
those water pipes many times before I took the six steps to the tunnel with its
sheltering roof, dashed over the cross-alley to the safety of tall walls, and bought
enough food for six in a dark little shop.
Only then did I return home to clean
up the blood.
Six knife wounds make a dreadful mess.
...........................................................................................................
Rochelle took this photograph and posted it on her blog https://rochellewisoff.com/ to prompt Friday Fictioneers to write stories in one hundred words each.
If you go to page 81 on http://visualverse.org/ you will be able to read another of my flash fiction stories.
I can't decide if I'm happy for her or not. Glad she has escaped her arrange marriage and evil husband, but the scars might not heel after what she's been through and done! Great write.
ReplyDeletethanks Iain - I'm ambivalent about her too!
DeleteNot the ending I was expecting - nor were they I guess! Excellent.
ReplyDeletePlease click to read my FriFic
Thanks Keith.
DeleteLoved the repeating sixes and just know she will manage to create a new life for herself. She had the strength to get herself free...
ReplyDeleteAnd she's still little more than a child.
DeleteDear Liz,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure anybody wins. Well written and disturbing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
It's a real tragedy.
DeleteWow! An unexpected ending. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThanks FP.
DeleteI enjoyed your story Lizzy - Knife wounds would make a huge mess. You are so talented!
ReplyDeleteThank you, nanclair - can you see me beaming?
DeleteHow will she escape the retribution that will surely come her way? I hope she continues to be so inventive. Great story.
ReplyDeleteThat's the trouble with 100 words - you have to leave the readers to invent their own endings!
DeleteOne suspects she's never had a life and survival is what she knows. Well done.
ReplyDeleteChild marriage is no life at all.
DeleteShe used the knife, but ended up scarred. Very sad tale. Don't know if I should feel optimistic about her future.
ReplyDeleteLooseendoftheredthread.wordpress.com
I'm not certain of her fate either.
DeleteDisturbing and violent. Great use of the symbolism of six.
ReplyDeleteThank you yarnspinner.
DeleteHow clever of you to take the number of water pipes and use that to structure your story! I could well believe that having counted and counted them, the number six would have taken on a disproportionate significance for her.
ReplyDeleteThanks Penny - once I'd counted them I had to use six!
DeleteI love that repeated use of 'six' - such a great detail to structure your story around. clever you! Well written tale, Liz
ReplyDeleteThanks Lynn
DeleteCracking last line. Great build up to a shocking finale.
ReplyDeleteThanks Clare. I wondered if anyone would guess from 'he was stinking', but it seems I was too obscure!
DeleteThe end made it a bit better but for her it is just the beginning of another struggle isnt it?
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is. She's probably headed for another prison.
Deletei guess she's doomed regardless. at least, she's not going down without a fight.
ReplyDeleteAfter putting up with him for six years, perhaps there were mitigating circumstances which will lead the court to be lenient.
DeleteIf he was a wife beater it was self-defence but it depends on what country and locality she's in whether she goes free. Good writing, Liz. :) ---- Suzanne
ReplyDeleteThaks Suzanne. I fear it's a backward country in terms of women's rights.
DeleteI like the repetition of six. How I hope she makes it through this ordeal! Kudos for a good write.
ReplyDeleteThank you Alicia.
Delete