18/01/2018

HAMELIN - a story in one hundred words


HAMELIN

Clowns outside the school attracted every child to their offer of free rides at the fairground. In the scramble, only the fittest won a ticket, and Belinda had to stand and watch as her luckier classmates climbed aboard, the music blared and the ride started.
But something wasn’t right. The speed increased rapidly until the children’s faces blurred, the music became deafening, and when a flying shoe struck Belinda she backed away.
Then the noise reached a crescendo and the ride stopped abruptly – empty. Belinda, sobbing with fright, turned and fled as fast as her crutches could carry her.
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There is something about the frenetic noise of a fairground that could so easily escalate into nightmare, and this story is what J Hardy Carroll's photo brought to my mind. To read what it inspired other writers to write, go to  https://rochellewisoff.com/  and follow the Blue Frog links.

For those who don't know the story of The Pied Pper of Hamelin, there are accounts of the (allegedly) true story on Google. 

ps. If you haven't read my book A Volcanic Race yet, the link to Amazon is at the top of this page.



48 comments:

  1. Wow! I wasn't expecting that. So chilling - and how lucky for Belinda!

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

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    1. Remember the little crippled boy in the original story?

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    1. Glad it worked - thanks, Helen.

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  3. You're so right about the nightmarish quality of the sound at a fairground. Loved this!

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  4. The Pied Piper will be luring kids on Facebook next! A brilliant if spooky take Liz. BTW, I answered your question re Wordpress at length in my reply to your comment.

    Click to read my FriFic!

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    1. Glad you liked it, Keith. I shall revisit your blog to find the answer!

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  5. The piper has been working on some more modern techniques. Scary stuff!

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    1. There are a few scary stories this week. Must be the fairground influence.

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  6. Dear Liz,

    I'll bet Belinda is thanking her lucky crutches she didn't make it on the ride. Chilling and clever.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. She'll be missing her classmates, though!

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  7. Interesting twist! I wonder where the children disappeared to. Probably not somewhere Belinda wishes she was. Sometimes not winning the "prize" is a godsend.

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    1. Being the one left behind can't be fun either.

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  8. Talk about being blessed about being a cripple!
    This was spooky good stuff!

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  9. Ride stopped empty, nice.

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  10. Sad tale --- glad Belinda was spared that awful end.

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    1. I bet her parents are grateful too.

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  11. Oh, Liz, that was creepy! Brilliantly written.

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  12. Clowns giving away tickets? That's suspicious in itself! You ramped up the tension nicely.
    If I may nitpick (and it really is a nitpick) a crescendo is music becoming gradually louder, not music at its loudest. Going from soft to moderately soft is a crescendo, for example, as is going from moderately soft to moderately loud. The musical term for very loud is 'fortissimo'.

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    1. The clowns would have put me off.
      Thanks for the nitpick - I do know the difference in musical terminology, and should have used the correct one - sorry!

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  13. I assume the riders vanished into another dimension. A Twilight Zone tale. Well done, Liz. - Russell

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    1. Twilight zone - beamed up by aliens - write your own explanation!

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  14. This makes me think of the fairground in Pinocchio... seems like the luckiest are those with less fortune...

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    1. Pinnochio is one of the films I seem to have missed!

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  15. An apt take on this prompt.

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  16. i'm sure glad she wasn't taken for a ride.

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  17. The title did suggest a nod to the Pied Piper, so it was indeed. Nicely done.

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  18. Sometimes when you find it difficult to see the positives in your lot something will come along to remind you. Belinda had a lucky escape.
    The link does not appear to be active to get to your book Liz.

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    1. I hope the bereaved parents don't give hers a hard time. Thanks for pointing out the ineffective link - I have corrected it, so you can buy a copy now!

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  19. That's really creepy, Liz. It's like an episode of The Twilight Zone. Good writing. ---- Suzanne

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  20. Winning isn't everything!

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    1. Be careful what you wish for!

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  21. Ooooo...like right out of the Twilight Zone!
    I got chills!

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  22. Well, that's clever! The Piper returned and using modern technology to capture dozens of children at once. Well told and very suspenseful too. Love that last line about your child being on crutches - a touchstone with the original tale of course. Clever

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  23. Brilliant, Liz.

    (and you've reminded me to look up an old tale I wrote about a fairground mirror, so thanks! :) )

    marion

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