29/06/2017

A PATTERN OF SIX - a story in 100 words

A PATTERN OF SIX

Six years I had been imprisoned – I was only a child when they forced me into marriage. 
It took me six days to find the key – by then I was starving and he was stinking.

The open door terrified me. I counted those water pipes many times before I took the six steps to the tunnel with its sheltering roof, dashed over the cross-alley to the safety of tall walls, and bought enough food for six in a dark little shop.


Only then did I return home to clean up the blood. 
Six knife wounds make a dreadful mess.

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Rochelle took this photograph and posted it on her blog  https://rochellewisoff.com/  to prompt Friday Fictioneers to write stories in one hundred words each.
If you go to page 81 on http://visualverse.org/ you will be able to read another of my  flash fiction stories.

34 comments:

  1. I can't decide if I'm happy for her or not. Glad she has escaped her arrange marriage and evil husband, but the scars might not heel after what she's been through and done! Great write.

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    1. thanks Iain - I'm ambivalent about her too!

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  2. Not the ending I was expecting - nor were they I guess! Excellent.

    Please click to read my FriFic

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  3. Loved the repeating sixes and just know she will manage to create a new life for herself. She had the strength to get herself free...

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    1. And she's still little more than a child.

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  4. Dear Liz,

    I'm not sure anybody wins. Well written and disturbing.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  5. Wow! An unexpected ending. Well done!

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  6. I enjoyed your story Lizzy - Knife wounds would make a huge mess. You are so talented!

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    1. Thank you, nanclair - can you see me beaming?

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  7. How will she escape the retribution that will surely come her way? I hope she continues to be so inventive. Great story.

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    1. That's the trouble with 100 words - you have to leave the readers to invent their own endings!

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  8. One suspects she's never had a life and survival is what she knows. Well done.

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    1. Child marriage is no life at all.

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  9. She used the knife, but ended up scarred. Very sad tale. Don't know if I should feel optimistic about her future.

    Looseendoftheredthread.wordpress.com

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    1. I'm not certain of her fate either.

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  10. Disturbing and violent. Great use of the symbolism of six.

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  11. How clever of you to take the number of water pipes and use that to structure your story! I could well believe that having counted and counted them, the number six would have taken on a disproportionate significance for her.

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    1. Thanks Penny - once I'd counted them I had to use six!

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  12. I love that repeated use of 'six' - such a great detail to structure your story around. clever you! Well written tale, Liz

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  13. Cracking last line. Great build up to a shocking finale.

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    1. Thanks Clare. I wondered if anyone would guess from 'he was stinking', but it seems I was too obscure!

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  14. The end made it a bit better but for her it is just the beginning of another struggle isnt it?

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    1. Indeed it is. She's probably headed for another prison.

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  15. i guess she's doomed regardless. at least, she's not going down without a fight.

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    1. After putting up with him for six years, perhaps there were mitigating circumstances which will lead the court to be lenient.

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  16. If he was a wife beater it was self-defence but it depends on what country and locality she's in whether she goes free. Good writing, Liz. :) ---- Suzanne

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    1. Thaks Suzanne. I fear it's a backward country in terms of women's rights.

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  17. I like the repetition of six. How I hope she makes it through this ordeal! Kudos for a good write.

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