25/06/2015

HUNTING - a 100 word story

HUNTING

When his original home crumbled around him, Jean-Claude wandered rootless for decades, flitting at night from one roost to another – until he found the strip joint and could sleep through the day undisturbed.

Hidden in the folds of dusty curtains, he scanned the clientele to pick his victim, then lurked in the street to swoop when they staggered out. A slit throat covered his handiwork before he slid them quietly into the river.

His secret night-life went smoothly – until the woman upstairs hung garlic up to dry. Unable to get past, Jean-Claude was trapped.

Rat blood isn’t as tasty as human.
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Thanks to Rochelle, who hangs out at  https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/  for the photo that prompted this story. Follow the blue frog trail on her blog to read what other writers from all over the world wrote from the same prompt.
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My story was written between bouts of housework - keeping our apartment spotless for another viewing. If you want to see what it looks like spick and span, click on the Apartment for sale page at the top of this blog.
Thank you for visiting - and please leave a comment so I know I'm not talking to myself!

42 comments:

  1. I'm surprised that vampires can drink rat blood.
    Nice twist.

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    1. Well, I thought as vampire bats drink any blood they cn get, why not real vampires? I've yet to see scientific proof to the contrary.

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  2. Eeewk! In the first paragraph I was trying to figure out which nocturnal birds live for decades... then in the second paragraph I thought 'slit throats? this isn't about a bird.' I still didn't guess until I got to the bit about the garlic! Well done for bamboozling me, Lizy.

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    1. Thanks Susan! I am constantly amazed by the different ways people read what I've written.

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  3. Vampires have taken over this weeks prompt. Love the different versions, but I think they've inspired my nightmares!

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    1. The garlic got everyone's inner vampirist going!

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  4. Wasn't expecting that twist, Lizy. Short but biting. :))

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  5. Dear Liz,

    I can't say I feel much empathy for Jean Claude. Well done story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  6. Good. Nice to know he got his come-uppance. Or is it go-downance, since it's a punishment? Will you work on that?

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    1. On your suggestion? Probably not. On the story? Ditto - it's all been told now.

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  7. AnElephant is amused by your tale, but not by being asked yet again if he is a robot.
    Really, they make them in XXXL and pink?

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    1. I didn't know my comment box asked you to prove you're a robot! I had to change it to allow some forum friends to comment so perhaps the robot thingy sneaked in then?

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  8. Rats, that's plain disgusting.. trapped with that inferior food...

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  9. To have to resort to drinking from a rat...and he seems like such a nice man...

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    1. I can introduce you if you like, Francesca?

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  10. I had a disgusting bottle of red wine last night. You've given me an idea what it might actually have been!
    Rosey Pinkerton's blog

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    1. Presumably you don't mean Bulls' Blood? And when you say 'bottle', do you mean you drank the whole thing? Eeuww!

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  11. Oh dear, I remember Bull's Blood. Gory story Lizy, just like the wine.

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    1. Bull's Blood is too thick for me - I prefer Vina D'Albali.:)

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  12. Good story. Thank heavens the garlic needed drying but one has to feel for Jean-Claude with the rats blood.

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    1. Even vampires need a sympathetic thought occasionally!

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  13. Good story. Thank heavens the garlic needed drying but one has to feel for Jean-Claude with the rats blood.

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    1. You pressed the button twice again Irene!

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  14. Dear Lizzy, Great story and love it! Nan

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    1. Thanks Nan - I can always rely on a kind comment from you!

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  15. We keep garlic in our van just in case! (mainly in case we want to eat it, but if it's keeping away the likes of Jean-Claude that's good too)

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    1. Well, as you haven't mentioned any visiting vampires on your travels it must be working!

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  16. I am so glad I missed seeing the garlic when I saw the prompt ;) Else the vampire bent would have touched my story too. Poor chap in yours, I can't imagine how he would have survived on rat blood :D

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    1. Another sympathiser for my vampire villain!

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  17. I like Jean-Claude, despite his tastes. Actually with his rat diet he's contributing to public health. I'm always amazed at how you manage to achieve such a smooth flow, and cover so much in your 100 worders. This one is no exception. May I ask - do you write to the length or go beyond and edit it back to 100 words? I often find I end up with storyline gaps and a choppy feel after editing.

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    1. Thank you Margirene.
      Sometimes I have to edit back - remove a sentence of back-story, perhaps, or a superfluous character. This time - which is the only one I can remember! - I had roughly 80 words in my first draft, then 120, and finally whittled it down to 100.
      I discarded a sentence about him drooling over the strippers, and I wanted the girls to feel uneasy in their dressing room (I suppose that should be 'un-dressing room!) so tis format often has me wishing I could write more.
      That's not much help, I'm afraid :(

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  18. Oh, that last line was brilliant! You spin a great tale!

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  19. I can't find much sympathy for Jean-Claude. He deserves a little change of diet. Great story.

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    1. Thanks Ga H - he's definitely an anti-hero!

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  20. another vampire story and quite interesting

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    1. Lots of people saw the garlic and wrote about vampires!

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