24/04/2014

JUST THE ONE - Friday Fiction

Friday Fictioneers is a group of writers who write 100-word stories prompted by a photograph posted each week on Rochelle’s site
You can read all the other stories – free! – by following the link.

Here is my story - 

JUST THE ONE


It wasn’t Kevin’s day to have Janie, but when he begged to be allowed to take her to the fair, Sue agreed.
After two hours of rides, Janie wanted to go home, but Kevin had heard the music from a bar.
He gave his little girl a fiver. “Get yourself a burger – I won’t be long.”
She looked at him with too-wise eyes. “You promised you wouldn’t.”
“You sound just like your bloody mother – I’m only having one.”

When darkness fell, Kevin remembered Janie, but he wasn’t the only man hiding a shameful secret - the night had swallowed her.
                                                 ..............................

Thank you for reading - please leave a comment - and feel free to browse the rest of my blog.



33 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Poor Janie indeed. Thanks for visiting.

      Delete
  2. Ouch! This one hurts in many ways. WELL DONE! (since I can't figure out how to get my profile in the box I will leave this as anonymous - Alicia Jamtaas)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Alicia - I'm not enough of an expert to help out, I'm afraid - ask on a writers' forum - they're usually a helpful bunch.

      Delete
  3. Powerful - and a tad creepy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a bit creepy, isn't it. Last week's funny was a rare departure from my norm!

      Delete
  4. It's very frightening because this is real-life scary and not imaginary-creatures scary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Real life IS much worse, unfortunately.

      Delete
  5. Sadly, too true for some people, so this little story is fairly blaring with authenticity! What's just as bad as her vanishing is the awareness she had, at a young age, of her father's weakness. Well done :) (I never know if that sounds condescending ... it isn't meant to be!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's nothing wrong with a "Well done" - in fact it's welcome!

      Delete
  6. How vicious! What makes it so frightening is that all too often this happens. Having grown up in a home with an addicted parent, I can't count the number of times that I was left to fend for myself. Praise God above that I was never abducted or injured, but the possibility is still just as frightening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poor you - I hope you survived unscathed.

      Delete
  7. Lizy, this is a disturbing story in so many ways. I agree with Joanna that it's terrible that the daughter already understood (although I'm sure Mom had talked about it) and that he couldn't even control himself for the amount of time he was with her. Lots of help needed here, but well-written story.

    janet

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The children of unfit parents have to grow up too quickly. Thanks for commenting.

      Delete
  8. Really good story. This was realistic and it's every parent's nightmare. How terrible some children have to grow up that way. : ( Well written. : )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Joshi - a nightmare for any responsible parent., which Kevin wasn't.

      Delete
  9. Dear Liz,

    Perhaps this will shake him into sobriety. More than likely it will drive him further into the disease. Sad, disturbing and infuriating. In other words, well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think your second thought is the correct one, unfortunately. And thanks Rochelle.

      Delete
  10. That is so real it scares me. It would be any parent's nightmare. It's also unfortunate that children have to live with a parent or parents with an addiction. : ( Well written. : )

    ReplyDelete
  11. Poor Jannie! It doesn't matter how wise you are when you are pint-sized.

    - Alice

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right, Alice - and when you have to do what Dad tells you even if you know it's wrong.

      Delete
  12. AH.. such fathers... the lull of beer and music ... I so hope that they get Janine back..

    ReplyDelete
  13. oh this is so creepy! very disturbing. horrifying. poor kid.
    and well done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poor kid indeed. Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  14. Dear Lizy, I'll get the rope, and you find the tree after we find the child. Well written! Nan :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh no, I thought that was where you were going, but hoped I was wrong.
    The nightmare of every parent and grandparent.
    I'm with both you and Nan of this.
    Well done
    Dee

    ReplyDelete
  16. The poor girl. Such a scary situation. But, another well written story. You need to start sharing something a bit longer too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Annalisa - but I can't share my novel till it's finished!

      Delete
  17. (Sharp intake of breath) I didn't see that ending coming.
    A real horror story, but very well written.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Linda - it was the fairy lights that made me think of fairgrounds.

      Delete

Leave a comment, please - I will reply to everyone.