27/06/2014

GOD'S JOB - 100 word story for Friday

GOD’S JOB

“It’s immoral, interfering with Nature like that. It’s one thing to improve food crops, but making trees is God’s job.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Zeeta – in this laboratory I am God.”
Graham carefully inserted one cell into another, his back eloquent with triumph.

Zeeta slung her lab coat on the bench and left.
As the security gates shut behind her, a bolt of lightning struck the building, and she sped away, terrified, while explosions shook the Institute.

 Within months massive trees filled the compound, their roots sucking up chemicals, their trunks wrapped around debris and their branches studded with bones.
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I know, you don't have to tell me, I wrote a tree story last week, but that's the way the dice fell. Rochelle chose the photo prompt and I followed it. 
As did the 100 or so other members of Friday Fictioneers - read their stories too by following the link.
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/

31 comments:

  1. I like the imagery of divine retribution, especially how the bone-studded trees emerged from the ashes. However, the line "back eloquent with triumph" tripped me up a bit.

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  2. Triumph might be the wrong word - it was a hectic day!

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  3. I love the imagery at the end. It's got a very dystopian feel about it.

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  4. Thanks annalisa. I am now rushing off to look up a new word!

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  5. Nice one. Has a 'The Day of the Triffids' feel to it.
    I think "face eloquent with triumph" would convey more than "back eloquent with triumph". Just a suggestion.

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    1. Thank you for commenting Subroto. Graham's back was eloquent because he had turned back to his microscope, therefore Zeeta couldn't see his face and he didn't see her leave.

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  6. Not a tree-t for Graham evidently. Nature gets her revenge. That's what happens if you style yourself as God.

    If you put a line between each section of dialogue/paragraph, I think it would make your story much clearer. I know exactly what you mean with "eloquent", but I'm not sure it's quite the right word here (although perhaps with more words it would word better.) Maybe something along the lines of "even his back conveying/radiating triumph" would make it a bit more clear? What say you? :-)

    janet

    janet

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    1. Heavens! One comment has sparked an entire debate.
      I think you're right abourtthe spaces so I'm editing it that way in a minute.
      'Eloquent' is the word I first thought of and I think it's the one that works best. I've seen ears being eloquent before now - and the backs of heads!

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  7. Eloquent: clearly expressing or indicating something

    Works for me.

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    1. Thanks Baggy - a vote in favour at last!

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  8. My own home forest is at present in the process of being restored to how nature formed it. Inevitably, there are pockets of temporary ugliness where human interference is made to give way to the return of nature.
    Thanks, Liz - enjoyed this.

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    1. How lovely, Robert - you will be able to enjoy a real stroll through the forest soon. Of course, there won't be the wildlife the early Britons hunted, but then humans actually planted some of those forests.
      It's a perennial argument - how much are we entitled to interfere and/or improve on God's work?

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  9. Dear Liz,

    Just shows to go ya. Humans should be careful about overstepping boundaries.

    Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Thanks Rochelle. It took me a while to work out what the thing in the tree was. To me it looks like a waste pipe joint?

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  10. I really like this. Especially the closing imagery -- the "branches studded with bones". That chilled me.

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    1. Thanks MJ - we aim to send shivers!

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  11. Oh, you've set the sci-fi geek within aquiver with this. What fantastic imagery. No matter how arrogant humanity is, nature always triumphs in the end.

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    1. Thanks Emilie - you only have to see the way our old road has disappeared to know how quickly Nature can repair itself.

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  12. It's always when we show the worst hubris that God steps in. Good thing she left when she did.

    Great 100 words!

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    1. Lucky Zeeta - or did God wait deliberately until she was safely out of range?

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  13. Lizy, It seems the program wiped out my first comment. It was somewhat as follows: Good story. Well, I guess the trees showed Graham who was boss, or the bosses. Arrogance was fatal in this case. Well written. : ) ---Susan

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    1. There you are susan! It took me three tries to publish your comment so something weird is going on! Thanks for persevering!

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  14. Great story Lizy, This was so interesting - and would make a great movie - I mean it! You are really a great writer! Thanks for the mini movie in my brain! Nan :)

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. You got me scared and running!

    Lily

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    1. Hi Lily! Thanks for visiting, even though you didn't stay long!

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  17. What a tightly constructed story! Brilliant storytelling, tense dialogue, beautiful language ("his back eloquent with triumph") and great characterization.

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    1. Thank you Vijaya for your kind comments. Were you aware that you commented FOUR times? I deleted three but I wonder if you are expecting them to appear immediately? Comments on my blog only appear after I have read them and approved, as I had a series of spam comments for a while.

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  18. You can't have too many trees!
    Looking in to catch up on your stories, but the security settings on this borrowed laptop won't let me comment on most of them. Hope this gets through.

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    1. Yes Linda - it did get through, and thank you for visiting.

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