19/12/2013

FRIDAY FICTION - BLUE

Friday Fictioneers is contributed to by writers from all round the world. We write 100-word stories prompted by a photograph posted on this site
This week’s stories are on here  http://new.inlinkz.com/luwpview.phpid=346495 
so do check them out.

Here is this week's photograph . . . 



. . .  and my story.




BLUE

If I stand on a chair I can see people through the dolphin window.
The postman’s face looks really funny all blue, like an alien.
So does Daddy’s, but it turns pink indoors which is soooo boring.

When Mummy came home from hospital last week I waved, but she didn’t wave back because she was holding our new baby.
His face changed to red indoors, but I wished it would stay blue like my Smurf.

Then yesterday Mummy was screaming, “He’s turning blue!”
Daddy cried too, which was even worse.

Did I kill my brother with my wish?

25 comments:

  1. Nice story Liz with a gradual twist.

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  2. A tragic tale told through a strong character voice. Good stuff, Lizy.

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  3. Poor child. Beautifully written.

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  4. Good, Liz. Rather dark, but good.

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  5. thank you all - especially Patrick for commenting three times!

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  6. A great take on the idea of blue, Liz. I really enjoyed reading this.

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  7. So sad, but beautifully written.

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  8. Oh, so beautifully written– capturing the inner world and dialogue of a young child. And then, oh how horribly painful and sad. Brilliant this week, Lizy!

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  9. Why I wrote something so sad I have no idea - the imagination's a wonderfully weird thing. Thank you for the compliments folks.

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  10. Inventive little story. Happy holidays.

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  11. I loved the voice you used. very well told from the point of view of a child, right down to his simple way of thinking and feeling.

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  12. zainabjavid.wordpress.com21/12/2013, 05:04

    How frightening for the child, will he live with that guilt forever?

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  13. Ah..poor little girl! Such a lovely story that turned so sad. That was wonderful!

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  14. That's so sad. Believable too.

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  15. Children's minds are so literal. The child will probably never voice the guilt and therefore never expunge it.

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  16. Your story illustrates well the mind of a child. I'm sure the baby survived - a tantrum! - and his sister came to realise it wasn't her fault anyway. :)

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  17. Wow, that ending took me by surprise. Creative piece!

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  18. I liked the POV on this sad tale.

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  19. Dear Lizy,

    Beautifully told in the child's innocent voice. Very effective with a stomach punch at the end. Bravo!

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  20. Thank you to those who commented over the weekend while I was cooking for a party of 20. I like the way Anisik51 wrote her own happy ending!

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  21. i like how you were able to perfectly capture the mind of a child. and the dark twist was so sudden! it caught me off guard. wonderfully done :) happy holidays!

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  22. This was so well told! As I read I was mentally preparing a comment about how heart-warming the tale was and then suddenly...

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