06/06/2018

WAITING - flash fiction - one hundred words inspired by an image


WAITING

‘Nine o’clock by the statue.’
His typical text – terse and lacking in detail. He assumes too much, gives too little, yet I have been here since eight. It is now nearly ten.

When the morning rush eased off I felt too conspicuous in the thinning crowd and moved to the mezzanine. From here the people look insignificant, and with a jolt of clarity I realise that is how he sees me. Suddenly I am angry. As I leave the concourse the fresh air clears my head.

At nine pm my phone buzzes. ‘Where are you? I’m waiting.’
I delete his message.
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Roger Bultot's photograph was posted for Friday Fictioneers by Rochelle on her blog  https://rochellewisoff.com/ from whence you can follow the Blue Frog link to read dozens of other stories - all FREE! Except for the small payment of a comment, of course.
By the way - after reducing the line-spacing in my book A Volcanic Race I have been able also to reduce the price to £6.99 ($7.99) so now is your chance to buy a copy before I start asking you to buy my next book! Click on the cover (top right) to go to my Amazon page.

44 comments:

  1. It's good to get a little perspective. Now maybe he'll get a chance to see things from her point of view.

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    1. He probably won't, and she's well rid of him.

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  2. Well... maybe there should have been better clarity as to AM or PM?? communication is a good thing!

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  3. Quite right too! He needs to learn to respect her a bit more.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

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    1. She's not going to hive him the chance.

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  4. Ha, after the ending I'm not sure who is more to blame for this relationship heading south! :-)

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    1. Hopefully she'll choose better in future.

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  5. I love how she comes to realise that he doesn't see her as he should. Bravo to her.

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  6. Hmmm. A little misunderstanding, but a huge revelation in the way it played out. Good one.

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    1. He did her a favour by giving her time to think clearly.

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  7. Good for her. A confusion over AM and PM has helped her to see the light.

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  8. I like the way you use the physical viewpoint from the gallery to emphasise the emotional distance that he keeps from her. He's kept her at arm's length - probably just likes a sense of control - bet he cheats on her too! She's well rid of him!

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    1. He is! I love the way you write a detailed critique, picking up details I hadn't even considered! Thank you.

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  9. yay, it was about time... :)

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  10. The person in this story is so right! They are better off without him! Nicely told.

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    1. At least she saw sense before she got in any deeper.

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  11. Dear Liz,

    She gets an "atta girl!" I love the jolt of clarity. Well done for the writer and the protagonist.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  12. Not sure if my post stuck. Anyway, well done that girl. Bin him off. And a great description of her insignificance to him and her dawning realisation of it, Jilly, Sugar on the Bee.

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  13. Love this. There's nothing like suddenly realizing you mean very little to someone to let you know you are very worthwhile. Beautifully done

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    1. Some people take longer than others to wake up. Thanks for commenting.

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  14. Wonderful take. We never know when we get the strength. Good for her.

    https://trailbrooklane.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-statue.html

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    1. Thanks Jaya. I feel for her - it's difficult to be the one who makes the break.

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  15. Smart move. No one should feel insignificant in a relationship.

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  16. Exactly... being taken for granted is one sure way it will never improve.

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  17. I love that moment of realisation as she looks out over the crowd - she's nothing to him and deserves better. That's a real kicker and so well done.

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    1. She was fortunate to have that time to reflect.

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  18. I was having this conversation with my son yesterday about time being the most valuable thing we have. I find it very disrespectful when someone doesn't appreciate my time.

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    1. You are so right - and it's even worse when they don't respect you either.

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