04/10/2017

TROOP SHIP - a hundred words

TROOP SHIP 1939

“It’s no worse than when we went fishing that time,” Albie said, holding Bert’s belt as the troopship lurched into another trough.
“I were sick then too, remember?” Bert said, heaving up more of his breakfast.
Albie parked his whey-faced friend under a companionway and left him there while he walked the deck. The dark grey waves lifted and fell all the way to a horizon almost as grey, needles of spray lacerated his cheeks, and the deck was slimy with spume and vomit, but Albie pulled in deep lungfuls of the salty wind and laughed with sheer exhilaration.
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I believe this is the first time I've posted an extract from a book, but the mind of a writer is a strange land, and Ted Strutz's photo of a modern ferry took me to a scene from Helter-Skelter - a novel I am hoping to get published. I had to cut the little scene severely to fit, but I hope it shows how much Albie loves the wild tooth and claw of Nature.


Thanks to Rochelle for hosting Friday Fictioneers on her blog  https://rochellewisoff.com/  You can follow the link from there to read other interpretations of the prompt.

26 comments:

  1. Nice excerpt. Off to war, and I wonder if Albie and Bert survive?

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    1. When I get the book published ...

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  2. That sheer exhilaration might disappear once they arrive at their destination...
    Great dialogue and story

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  3. I can see this happening, and I can see this scene playing out more times with reversed setting... love it.

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  4. Dear Liz,

    I know how it is to cut an excerpt to fit and still make sense. Sometimes it's more work than writing a whole new story.
    Intriguing and visual piece.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. It isn't easy to cut it down - I started with a 270 word extract!

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  5. This is really good. I especially like this:

    "The dark grey waves lifted and fell all the way to a horizon almost as grey, needles of spray lacerated his cheeks"

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  6. Such a graphic piece. It's certainly not a trip I would wish to take.

    Click to read my FriFic!

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    1. Many years ago I escorted a youth club group to France. There was a Force 8 gale on our way back, and I think I was the only person on the ferry who wasn't throwing up.

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  7. Rough seas can be very exhilerating – as long as you don't get queasy.

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  8. Poor Bert. I'd probably be right there beside him with someone holding on to my belt. Made me a little seasick just to read it--which means you wrote it extremely well :)

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  9. good for him. enjoy the moment while he can. :)

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  10. I'm an "exhilaration" kind of person at sea :-) They'll both be feeling the same fear when they arrive, though.

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    1. You're probably right, Alistair

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  11. Good luck with your book. It sounds interesting.

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    1. Thanks Dawn - I'm hoping an agent will think so too!

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  12. Fantastic writing. Good luck with your book. Cheers, Varad

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