02/01/2014

BOXES


Here we go again with Friday Fictioneers - an online group who write 100-word stories each week prompted by a photo on Rochelle's blog site.
Do check out the other stories by following this link

. . .   and this is my story.



BOXES

Billy and his mum never went out. All their food was delivered - the empty cardboard boxes were Billy’s favourite toys.

One day Billy’s mum went to sleep and wouldn’t wake up.
Billy and Gizmo shared a box of cereal with orange juice because Billy couldn’t open the milk. Gizmo was sick in the garden, then ran up the tree and escaped over the box-like fence.

Billy was alone. His mum was still asleep and the television was scary so he turned it off. Then it was too quiet.

When the delivery man looked through the letterbox he called the police.


26 comments:

  1. Ohhh, dark flash fiction.
    Linda Rigsbee

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    Replies
    1. It is a bit dark, isn't it? Where these thoughts come from is a mystery!

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  2. Dear Lizy,

    A child's-eye-view chiller. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  3. Great little story. Thank god for the delivery man. And poor Billy. He must have been traumatised.

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    Replies
    1. Delivery man to the rescue - someone had to.

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  4. Oh this is a very sad tale... and so real in many ways.. these kids exist.

    Hope there was a good way back for poor Billy.

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    Replies
    1. These kids DO exist - awful to imagine their lives, isn't it?

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  5. Replies
    1. thanks for reading it anyway, Patsy.

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  6. Very effective to tell the story from the child's POV. Well done!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jan - I tried it from an observer's POV first but that didn't work.

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  7. Painful and heartache in 100 words. Well done.

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    1. Thanks SH - paring it down to 100 words made it even bleaker than the first draft.

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  8. Replies
    1. thanks dctd - I almost didn't post it, knowing the child was Rochelle's!

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  9. A sad tale narrated convincingly.

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  10. I guess I got here a bit late for an original comment but I agree with what's been written before this. :-) I can't imagine what that would do to a child. And I also wonder where ideas come from. May be better not to know!

    janet

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    Replies
    1. The ideas are purely imaginary, Janet - I had a lovely childhood!

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  11. So tragic. Well written piece!

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    Replies
    1. thank you. Perhaps Billy will be happier with a foster family?

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  12. Written with a light touch - making it so much more powerful.

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    Replies
    1. thank you Helen - your opinion means a lot!

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  13. So sad - too quiet with the TV off? Yes, a lump in my throat right there. Love the child's perspective.

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    Replies
    1. thank you Annalisa - I'm glad the story touched you.

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