27/12/2013

FRIDAY FICTION - FIELD TRIP

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS is an online group of writers from around the world who write 100-words stories once a week prompted by a photo posted on Rochelle's blog http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/

This week's other stories are on here http://new.inlinkz.com/luwpview.php?id=346493  so do pop along and read some of them.

This is this week's photo prompt and my story.


FIELD TRIP

They caught me unawares – it’s difficult to breathe in that polluted atmosphere and I was concentrating on collecting my specimens quickly so I could leave.
I wasn’t doing any harm, although the way they treat their environment, a bit more damage wouldn’t make much difference.

When that bullet hit my shield it reverberated through my body and I started running. They nearly caught me once but I upped the charge in my shield, reached the ship and gave the command.

As we lifted off, one specimen made a strange noise.
I must ask the scientists what ‘mum’ signifies.




24 comments:

  1. Dear Lizy,

    This one kind of made me misty eyed at the end. Nice one from a unique point of view.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  2. It looks like it's off to an alien zoo or lab for that poor human.
    Stories like this always make one think about the way we treat our animals.
    Love the last line!

    draliman

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  3. Oops... collecting specimen can indeed do harm... Love that twist at the end... where the sympathy shifts.

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  4. that was a killer last line! absolutely chilling.

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  5. That is clever. And thought proving- I wonder what happens next?

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  6. Thank you for your comments everyone. I couldn't find an Eiffel Tower story after I'd seen a spaceship! And I wonder how many animals humans have snatched from their mothers?

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  7. oh heck...that last bit pierced my heart... cool to write from the alien's perspective..

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  8. Great story. I thought you were going in a different direction, but that "mum" bit made for a wonderful twist.

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  9. Nice Twilight Zone type feel to this one. And now ... Mr.Serling!

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  10. The twist at the end really shakes me, as a reader. Turns the table on the animal kingdom... you've done a great job with this prompt.

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  11. Claudia - it pierced my heart when I wrote it, too - some mother's child.
    Quest - that three-letter word carries so much weight, doesn't it? and Perry - who's Mr Serling?

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  12. Dear Lizy,

    This was excellent. Last sentence is a killer. Human's think they are above judgement by the animal kingdom but your story turns the tables nicely. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  13. Thank you Doug - I seem to have made a statement about animal welfare when I was aiming for "How would humans and aliens see each other?"

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  14. Wow! Loving these little flash pieces of yours. Well done =)

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  15. Cold-hearted and clinical but, they were only doing their job. Great twist. Great work, Lizy.

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  16. I loved this little story. To answer your question to Perry, "Who was Mr Serling?" Rod Serling was the host (and I think did some of the writing) of the popular 60s science fiction TV show "The Twilight Zone."

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  17. Wow! This is the first time I have read your writing on your blog but I want o read more now!

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  18. Ruth - thank you, though after seeing the list of blogs you follow I'm surprised you got to me!
    Mike - as you can see I am enjoying the FF blog you introduced me to. Thanks!
    Russell - it's odd that I never watched Twilight Zone - I was a teenager in the 60s, so perhaps I was doing other things!
    Dee - welcome to my blog - glad you like it.

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  19. Had to read this one twice, I couldn't work it out to start with. But in my defence, it's early - and nothing to do with your exquisite writing :-) Interesting twist at the end.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you - I think!
      And you have given me the opportunity to try out my new 'reply' feature.

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  20. Ooh look, you've gone and mixed things up since this morning! Definitely a compliment on the story, by the way :-)

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  21. Great twist in the ending.
    Maybe, to an alien, it's just like collecting butterflies ...

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  22. Like this, Lizy - a taster of a much bigger implied story. Well written!

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